Bad Men
BOOK REVIEW
Bad Men: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment & Assault – David M. Buss
A learned psycho-social dissection of the modern mating market
My initial interest in this book was an atypical one in that I was keen to read just one specific chapter, after hearing the author as a guest on Sam Harris’ marvellous podcast Making Sense. During the interview he introduced several psychological differences between the mating strategies of men and women, focusing on how unhealthy dynamics can manifest from even the sturdiest of foundations.
This compelled me to pick up Bad Men in the hope that Buss would employ a post-evolutionary lens to elucidate the more libidinous corners of society. Of course this was naïve, and as always I should remember that Darwin knew best. Perhaps I sought a contemporary justification for why men who report marital happiness still seek sexual variety (and in fact, there is no difference in levels of marital satisfaction of men who commit adultery compared to those who do not, according to Buss).
“ ‘If she didn’t want me to feather her nest, why did she come into the Xerox room? I had my sleeves rolled up, revealing the sinewy arms which are always bulging with desire.’ ”
Unfortunately, to anyone with a basic understanding of evolutionary theory, this maligned male desire is as simple as it looks. The investment into guaranteeing genetic prolongation is so starkly asymmetrical – women make countless sacrifices during pregnancy and can be certain the child is theirs, whereas men grapple with the opposing paradigm – that the behaviours tend to explain themselves.
This is not to denounce the book’s value, as Buss introduces memorable concepts such as the perceived mate-value, effectively a rating by which others regard one’s suitability as a long term mate. One’s mate-value is comprised of various elements such as social status, health, dependability, financial security and so on. A mate-value is naturally fluid as circumstances change, and mate-value discrepancies can explain a man’s over-protective disposition towards his higher mate-value partner, or a woman’s pursuit of other men in an effort to trade up. It is also little surprise that men tend to overestimate their own mate-value.
“With so much deception and sexual exploitation in the mating market, it’s a marvel people ever commit to long-term romance or agree to marry.”
Like any skilful nonfiction writer, Buss weaves real-world examples throughout the text. A select choice was the case study of Ashley Madison, whose data breach revealed that although there were 20 million men actively using the infidelity site, the number of active female users totalled just 1,492. That the former head of a conservative Christian lobbying group focused on family values was a paying subscriber (using two separate accounts!) underscores that no man should be presumed bereft of lust. The key question thus appears to orient around the effective regulation of such animalistic instincts.
I chose not to finish Bad Men, for I’m trying to improve at extrapolating just what I need from my reads. Despite buying it for one particular chapter, I ended up reading four which is credit to Buss’ easy language and the socially topical subject matter. Maybe if we took more time to understand the roots of injurious sexual behaviour, our relationships would be more open, honest and collaborative.
- NP, June 2022
Reading notes from Bad Men